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Monday, November 16, 2009
You've Come A Long Way Ralphie

In Friday's WSJ, Eric Felten writes on the marginalization of Thanksgiving:

Given half a chance, retailers would probably try to get their plastic garlands hung just after Labor Day. (Ho-ho-ho, it's back to school!) But we've been spared that particular encroachment, thanks to a holiday that has proved capable of standing athwart the relentless forces of Christmas-creep--Halloween. Once a quaint bit of Americana built around the simple pleasures of costumes, candy-grabbing and petty vandalism, Halloween has become a marketable and profitable holiday, putting many official holidays to shame. If only Presidents Day had some sort of free-candy angle.

In contrast to Halloween's stalwart ability to keep Christmas from jumping the queue, Thanksgiving has lost its cultural muscle. The early advent of the Santa season may have less to do with the red-and-green imperative than with the weakness of Turkey Day. What happened to this quintessential American holiday?

The Thanksgiving squeeze is something that we can definitely relate to this year. Since we'll be out of town for ten days on and around Thanksgiving, our house decorations have transitioned from Halloween to Christmas with scarcely a pause in between. It's a shame too because Thanksgiving is a holiday that merits more attention. As Felten notes, it's a quintessentially American experience and one that I look forward to every year. If your travels aren't too arduous and you're not the one responsible for assembling the feast, it's a day to revel in the finest traditions of eating, drinking, and being merry. Throw in a little football and it's really a hard day to beat.

Felten ends his piece with a plea to embrace the autumn season, Thanksgiving in particular. It also includes an interesting nugget on the state of American Christmas culture:

There will be plenty of time next month for all the secular manifestations of Christmas: shopping, trimming the tree, shopping, mugs of frothing Tom & Jerry, shopping, and watching Ralphie get his Red Ryder BB-gun and Clarence get his wings. Oh, and yes, shopping. But before we break out the ornaments and dust off the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack, let's make the most of autumn and its particular pleasures. Jump in a pile of leaves. Savor the waning daylight. And go ahead. Week after next, eat that second slice of pumpkin pie--just be thankful for it.

Amazing. "A Christmas Story" is now so widely recognized within the culture that it's cited along with shopping, tree trimming, Tom and Jerrys, and that other grossly overrated Christmas movie as being emblematic of secular Christmas in America. Our little boy is all growed up.

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Monday, August 03, 2009
Now My Heart Is Beating Like The Saddest Metronome

It's a sad sign of the times that my former bobble-head buddy Ralphie is visiting more of the country than I am these days. Of course, it should be noted that he is being held against his will and has been brainwashed by a fiendish organization of radicals who make the Symbionese Liberation Army look like a bunch of Girl Scouts by comparison. One day Ralphie will be free and he will come home. Until then, keep those maroon and gold ribbons tied.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Coming Home To Roost

The news yesterday that Arlen Specter had officially flown the GOP coop is the latest example of the dangerous game that Republicans play when they try to appease mushy moderates for perceived political gain. In the long run, such calculated coddled more often than not comes back to blow up in the party's face as it has with Specter.

Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and there's not necessarily a lot to be gained by saying "We told you so," but with the case of Specter the defector I think it is helpful to recall that Republicans had a chance to avoid this fate had they acted differently back in 2004. Here's something that I posted in November 2004 chiding those who told us we had to support Specter at the time:

I for one have had enough of the "stability" in the Senate offered by the likes of Specter, Chafee, and Snowe. When Specter was challenged in the Republican primary by conservative Pat Toomey, many commentators on the right (including yours truly) backed Toomey. Unfortunately, President Bush, Rick Santorum (Pennsylvania's other senator), and Hugh supported Specter and helped him fend off Toomey.

Hugh Hewitt is an intelligent, generous man of unquestionable integrity who has done much to help the conservative cause (to say nothing of the blogosphere) through his talk radio show, his blog, and his books. But he was wrong about Specter in the Pennsylvania primary and he's wrong about him now.

Again, this isn't about me being right and Hugh being wrong (although that does bring me some measure of pleasure). It's about Republicans getting away from the short-sighted thinking about immediate political gain (or loss) and thinking about the long-term principles, integrity, and strength of the party. That might mean losing some battles today. However, it will make us a stronger party tomorrow, less vulnerable to the shifting allegiances of wobblers like Specter.

In this particular case, even the practical political realities of the time suggest that Republicans would have been better off choosing Toomey over Specter in 2004. While there's no guarantee that he would have won the general election in 2004, I gotta think his chances would have been better than in 2010.

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Monday, December 29, 2008
Hello Cleveland?

Are the Browns really this desperate? At least they cold have a great rallying cry: Win one for Ralphie!


Tuesday, November 18, 2008
If I'm to be your camera, then who will be your face?

Last night, I heard Hugh Hewitt interviewing Michael Medved on his new book The 10 Big Lies About America: Combating Destructive Distortions About Our Nation. They were discussing the fact that Medved had been named "Worst Person In The World" by Keith Olbermann last year for his comments about slavery and Hugh speculated that with the release of the new book, Medved could possibly win the award for many days to come. Medved said that he could only hope to be so lucky and then mentioned that when Olbermann's show had tabbed him as "Worst," they used a picture of Medved holding a Hugh Hewitt bobble-head doll with Robert E. Lee replacing Hewitt in the Photoshopped version.

A Hugh Hewitt bobble head doll? That can only mean one thing: Ralphie! And damned if it isn't true.

Check out the original picture of Michael Medved with Ralphie that I took at a Patriot Forum back in April of 2004.

Now, check out the image that appeared when Medved was named the "Worst" by Olbermann. Clearly the same picture. Funny I don't recall the Olbermann people asking for permission for that (I know, I know, free use and all that).

The Photoshopped version with Robert E. Lee that Medved mentions is available here. And this is another version of the same theme.

For the record, Ralphie does not endorse slavery or the return of the Confederacy. It's really a shame when an wide-eyed innocent bobble-head is used for such untoward purposes.

It's also interesting to see that another one of my pictures has been pilfered by the left for their own use. Up to this point, I was only aware of the strange obsession that so many left-wing bloggers seem to have with a shot I took of John Hinderaker eating at the Minnesota State Fair (examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here and with probably thousands of other left-wing bloggers who are projecting er...something). Glad that I could be of help guys.


Thursday, August 07, 2008
Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!

Just received an e-mail from my close personal friend Hugh Hewitt on his upcoming trip to the Twin Cities to attend the RNC. In the past, when Hugh has come to town he's always been gracious enough to bring along a bottle fine Scotch whisky to our social gatherings (some might choose to refer to that as his "price of admission").

Because of the special circumstances involved in this year's visit, he's going to do something extra special and has generously offered to buy the entire crew here at Fraters a round of 55 year-old Macallan at the Saint Paul Hotel bar. We're just blessed to have such a gracious and giving friend.


Thursday, March 20, 2008
Separation Of Church and State?

Section Sixteen of Article 1 of the Minnesota Constitution states:

Sec. 16. FREEDOM OF CONSCIENCE; NO PREFERENCE TO BE GIVEN TO ANY RELIGIOUS ESTABLISHMENT OR MODE OF WORSHIP. The enumeration of rights in this constitution shall not deny or impair others retained by and inherent in the people. The right of every man to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience shall never be infringed; nor shall any man be compelled to attend, erect or support any place of worship, or to maintain any religious or ecclesiastical ministry, against his consent; nor shall any control of or interference with the rights of conscience be permitted, or any preference be given by law to any religious establishment or mode of worship; but the liberty of conscience hereby secured shall not be so construed as to excuse acts of licentiousness or justify practices inconsistent with the peace or safety of the state, nor shall any money be drawn from the treasury for the benefit of any religious societies or religious or theological seminaries.

According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the word interdict means:

1 : a Roman Catholic ecclesiastical censure withdrawing most sacraments and Christian burial from a person or district

Yesterday, Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty appeared on Hugh Hewitt's nationally syndicated talk radio show. According to Hugh:

And yes, the governor did extend the interdict against the FratersLibertas rogues for another five years...

Clearly this is a gross violation of the powers of the office of governor and an equally egregious violation of the Minnesota Constitution. Now if the Pope were to issue an interdict against us (as I believe he did against Atomizer some years ago), we would of course recognize and comply with it. But Governor Pawlenty? Never!


Tuesday, March 18, 2008
In Sync

Heartwarming front-page story in yesterday's WSJ on a courageous young man trying to break down barriers of discrimination (sub req):

Kenyon Smith, a lithe and good-looking young man who just had his 18th birthday, is an Aquamaid.

He swims, in unison, with the Santa Clara Aquamaids, a club of synchronized swimmers. All the other Aquamaids are girls. They wear sparkly bathing suits, gobs of makeup and starlet smiles as they splash-dance around the pool. They show a lot of leg.

Comics think synchro is great material, and when the joke is on a person of the nonfemale sex, it's a sure winner. So let's all laugh at Kenyon Smith, the male synchronized swimmer.


Now here's the not-so-comical part: Young Mr. Smith isn't just any old male synchronized swimmer. He's a phenomenon. His twists and splits and head-down pirouettes are crisp and fast. His rocket thrusts him out of the water, pointy-toes first, all the way up to his armpits. He can swim almost 75 yards underwater without blacking out.

There are only two things this Aquamaid can't do: Go to a U.S. college on a sports scholarship. And go for gold at the Olympics.

All because he's a he. Women have broken into everything from wrestling to rodeo, but in synchronized swimming, the deep end is strictly roped off to men. Colleges striving for sexual parity, as civil-rights law requires, won't let men waltz-crawl with women. At the Olympic Summer Games, only boxing and baseball still exclude women; only softball, rhythmic gymnastics and synchro still exclude men.

No one will be cheering harder for Kenyon to overcome this disgusting gender bias and realize his Olympic dreams than a certain silver-haired talk radio shock jock from Southern California. Few people know this, but back in his days as a young lifeguard at a community pool in Warren, Ohio, Hugh Hewitt dreamed of being the first to shatter stereotypes and break the synchronized swimming gender barrier.

After his shift as a guard was over and the pool was closed, Hugh would slip into his sparkly suit and spend hours splitting, twisting, pirouetting, and splash-dancing in the water as the "Toreador Song" from the opera "Carmen" pierced the stillness of the air on those glorious Midwest summer nights. Hugh's goal was nothing less than to be the Jackie Robinson of the sport that he so loved.

Alas, small-minded prejudices and closed minds thwarted Hugh's dreams. Today, age and infirmity have taken a terrible toll on his once flexible lithe body and if he were to enter the water again, he would no doubt sink like a stone. But he still has the synchronized swimming fire burning in his now greatly expanded belly. And while in his head he knew his dreams had been crushed, they couldn't take away his passion for twisting in the pool from his heart.

So if one day Kenyon Smith is able to stand proudly on the Olympic podium and receive a synchronized swimming medal, he won't just be realizing his dream, but also the dream that's still alive and kicking in the soul of an aged talk radio host. When they does day comes, I expect that the pent-up emotions will finally spill over and the tears will stream--in a perfectly synchronized manner of course--down Hugh's well-weathered face. Don't ever let the dream die Kenyon.


Thursday, March 13, 2008
Pot, Kettle And All That

For the record, unlike Hugh Hewitt I am not a fan of artificially-sweetened bakery goods like Ho Hos, Twinkies, or Snoballs (or the verb they inspired). I believe the proper term is "projection."


Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Flick? Who's Flick?

Robert e-mails to report that while Hugh Hewitt may be in London, his spirit is alive and well in Chesterton, Indiana:

Two fourth-grade boys mimicking a scene from the movie "A Christmas Story" wound up with their tongues stuck to a frozen flagpole.

Gavin Dempsey and James Alexander were serving on flag duty at Jackson Elementary School Friday morning, with the job of raising and lowering the school's flags. They decided to see if their tongues really would stick to the cold metal.

"I decided to try it because I thought all of the TV shows were lies, but turns out I was wrong," Gavin said.

Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!

Atomizer Sez:
There's no shame in trying the old "tongue on the flagpole" trick. I actually did it twice in one day when I was in grade school. Why twice, you might ask? Because it grossed everybody out so much the first time I ripped my tongue off the frozen metal that I just had to do it again.

Explains a lot, I imagine.


Monday, February 11, 2008
Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot

The best thing about Mitt Romney's honorable and classy departure from the GOP race? We can listen to Hugh Hewitt's radio show again without having to wonder if we're tuning in to a three hour infomercial for Romney. Welcome back Hugh.

Well, I guess I should say welcome back when you get back from London. Speaking of London, does anyone really think that this is just a coincidence?


Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Looking For The SILVER Lining

You know sometimes the suffering of others reaches a point where it doesn't even really seam fair to engage in some good ol' fashioned Schadenball. But since in this particular case that other has never missed an opportunity to mercilessly needle when circumstances present themselves, today is not the time for compassion.

It's been a tough three-hundred-sixty-five days for one Hugh Hewitt and the teams and causes that he's cheered for.

It all started on January 8th, 2007 when his beloved Ohio State Buckeyes (ranked #1 in the nation at the time) were utterly and completely destroyed by Florida in the BCS Championship game.

Then on April 2nd in Atlanta, the OSU basketball team lost the National Championship game against Florida.

For a while, Hugh enjoyed a respite from the sports agony. Then, after his beloved Indians won the American League Central division, defeated the hated Yankees in the ALDS, and were within a game of reaching the World Series with a seemingly insurmountable three games to one lead over the Red Sox in the ALCS...

...they choked like Bill Lobdell trying to do radio and allowed the Red Sox to come back to win the ALCS and cruise to an easy World Series title. That one really hurt.

But hope springs eternal in Hugh's heart and he quickly turned his attention to his beloved Browns. Cleveland made an impressive turn around this year and finished with a solid 10-6 record. In today' s NFL, a 10-6 mark just about guarantees you a playoff berth (which would be the Browns first since 2002). But because the Browns had choked in Week 15 at home against the hated Bengals, they had to wait until the evening of Sunday, December 30th, when the result of the last game of the NFL regular season between the Titans and Colts would determine their fate. The game was tied at ten headed to the fourth quarter when...

...two Titan field goals gave them a 16-10 win and left the Browns out in the cold. Again.

I'm not sure if you've noticed the same thing, but I've picked up a vibe that Hugh is supporting Mitt Romney as the GOP presidential nominee. It's subtle, but there's definitely something there.

Which means that Romney's second place finish in Iowa last Thursday and his almost certain second place finish in New Hampshire today are just the latest examples of Hugh's favorites falling short.

Whoops! I almost forgot. Last night, the Buckeyes (again ranked #1) were once again outclassed by an SEC opponent (this time LSU) in the BCS Championship game. Talk about coming full circle. Oh well, there's always next year, right Hugh?


Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Honey, I Crashed The Sled

Andy e-mails to fess up:

I'm sorry to say this but... I think I can top Hugh's snowmobile incident.

By the way, we just celebrated the four year anniversary of Hugh's Big Snowmobile Adventure. Oh how the years go by.

Saturday, I drove up to northern Minnesota, bought a nice used snowmobile. A 1997 Yamaha Vmax 700sx for those who are interested. The transaction occurred around 3pm. I drove it over to a good friends garage where I met my brother. Both guys thought I made great purchase. Almost spotless sled with only 3700 miles.

Well, we went out that evening for a little trail ride. On the way back we decided to head over to one more lake. Long story short, I missed a turn on the way and ended the night with a bent up right front steering, broke the handle bars clean off and broke the windshield ($500-600 in damages probably). The best part of it all is that my wife doesn't know I bought the sled. She's just mad because I told her I have to pay to fix a sled that I crashed. I know I'll have to tell her some time, but not sure when. Probably after New Year's Day. Sorry I didn't get any picture of the crash scene to share. I do have a couple of pictures on my cell of the sled after the crash, but they don't look all that dramatic.

Anyway, just thought about how I have something in common now with Hugh Hewitt.

Not something that I'd necessarily go around bragging about. Especially to your wife.

I do have a hunch that Santa is going to ber very generous to Andy's better half this Christmas. Just a hunch.


Sunday, December 09, 2007
Is It Real Or Is It...

Iowahawk? He nicely captures the objective, down the middle analysis of Hugh Hewitt:

And now: Mitt Romney's magnificent, soaring, Olympian speech yesterday at the Bush Library.

Without question, The Speech is destined to enter the pantheon of the defining moments of our time; for in it, we lucky mortals were witness to what was inarguably the finest distillation of passion and and brains and square-jawed herculean glory of this or any other age; an achievement of such blinding white TelePromted perfection that, in 15 heart-pounding minutes, eclipsed every previous achievement of the human race, combined, and those who cannot admit this simple axiomatic truth are clearly soulless and/or deranged.

Perhaps in retrospect, it's a bit understated. It's not easy to capture that level of obsequiousness.


Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Nativist Backlash

Tim from Colorado e-mails to report that he's reached the breaking point when it comes to immigration:

Throughout my life I have been pretty fortunate. My wife and I have been together almost 25 years, I have three wonderful children, I enjoy good health, get to fish whenever I want, and live in the most beautiful state in the union. However, it would appear a significant portion of my good life is about to come to an end. If you were listening to Hugh [Hewitt]
Monday night, you would understand my current state of paralyzing fear.

Hugh is threatening to move to Colorado. Seriously, I'm not joking. I heard him say it. Granted, he said he would only be a resident here from May through October, and thankfully, those six months do not include snowmobile season. Now that probably sounds ok to most outsiders, but Chad, people need to know that sometimes we get freaky late spring and early fall blizzards in May, September and October that may dump 12-14 inches of snow. We have an abundance of snowmobile dealers. We have internet access here and our own local page on Craig's List. Access to snowmobiles is unrestricted. There is no five-day waiting period before you can purchase a snowmobile. Do you understand my fear now?

Yes Tim, your fear is perfectly legitimate. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The damaging effects from the influx of Californian immigration continues; they drive up real estate prices, force liquor stores to displace beer selection with wine selection, drive clothing stores to carry clam diggers and sandals instead of jeans and boots, and influence our ski area eateries to sell Kobe beef and smoked salmon instead burgers and pizza. It is a heavy burden.

We here in Colorado need to pass stricter immigration laws and snowmobile control laws now, if only "for the sake of the children." We need to start class action lawsuits against snowmobile manufacturers because they brazenly market their products to one Hugh Hewitt. I've even heard rumors that Dockers is introducing a line of snowmobile clothing.

I knew this "open borders" thing between the states was a disaster waiting to happen. You know, as bad as Communism was, Communists got some things right.


Friday, September 28, 2007
Brazil Nuts

Word on the street is that Hugh Hewitt's annual listener cruise (Hugh 5.0 To The Extreme!) will include a journey on the Amazon River and stops at other sites in Brazil. This raises a number of thorny questions:

1. Isn't the rain forest already threatened enough without having Hugh rumblin', bumblin', and stumblin' through its fragile ecosystem?

2. What color of Dockers will Hugh wear as he treks into the heart of the deep, dark Amazon wilderness?

3. Is it true that authorities in Rio have already banned Hugh from making any appearances on the city's famous beaches?

4. Will Hugh be able to stay up past 9pm when he celebrates Carnival in Rio?

5. Has the fetching Mrs. Hewitt doubled down on her hubby's life insurance policies? I'd make sure those premiums were paid.


Friday, July 27, 2007
Fingers On The Cultural Pulse

On his radio show tonight, Hugh Hewitt admitted:

"I've never seen an entire Simpson's episode from beginning to end."

No further comment required.


Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I guess I'd just like some Tinker Toys

The votes are in and have been tabulated. According to our most unbiased and scientific polling, it appears that the majority of you are willing to allow radio shock jock and water carrier extrordinaire Hugh Hewitt to attend the 2007 Minnesota State Fair provided he takes care not to shoot his eye out with a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle on the Midway.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Christmas In June

I'm not much of a Mitt Romney guy, but I appreciate the insight in this entry in The Encyclopedia Mittanica.

UPDATE-- JB calls for attribution:

I was the first one to compare Hugh to Ralphie was I not?

Now people are doing it willy-nilly and pell-mell with nary a word of recognition.

At least he's not calling for retribution as is his wont.


Monday, January 08, 2007
Tails You Lose?

If by chance, the Buckeyes happen to fall to Florida tonight, how long will it take Hugh Hewitt to assign the blame to John McCain for the opening coin toss? I'm sure that if Romney had tossed the coin, the Buckeyes would have won.


Thursday, August 31, 2006
The Unrelenting Struggle

A message from the President of Fraters Libertas:

Ladies and gentlemen, as you well know, we are engaged in a long and difficult twilight struggle against a dedicated and diabolic foe. Our enemy wants nothing less than complete hegemony over our lands and the complete destruction of our way of life. At times, it is easy to fall into a false sense of security and forget this hard, unpleasant truth. But there will be no peace, no real security for any of us until this enemy is defeated. The latest outrage perpetrated against us demonstrates just how high the stakes are and how truly evil our foes are.

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that Ralphie, an oft-decorated and highly regarded member of the elite bobble-head corps, has been reported missing, presumably captured while conducting a mission in the SFOT (State Fair Operating Theater). Ralphie was initially reported missing last Saturday, but it was hoped that contact would be re-established. Those hopes were dashed when disturbing pictures of Ralphie appeared on an enemy agit-prop website.

In clear contrivance of all international law and basic human dignity, Ralphie has been kidnapped and transported across recognized borders. From the propaganda material available on the site, it also appears as if Ralphie has been tortured and coerced into making false statements against us. There are also unconfirmed reports of attempted brainwashing and forced conversion to the enemy's bizarre religion.

Barbaric acts such as this show us the true face of the enemy and once again demonstrate the futility of appeasement and compromise. I am certain that they are celebrating this horrific action as a great victory and believe that it will weaken our will to fight. But they are wrong.

Instead of causing us to lose heart and hope, Ralphie's kidnapping will only strengthen our resolve to see this battle through and truly deserve victory. And it is in that spirit, the Spirit of Ralphie if you will, that we commit ourselves to his safe return. This will not stand.

At this very moment, I am ordering the mobilization of the Fraters Defense Forces (FDF). Reserves are being called up and we are preparing for an extended campaign to secure Ralphie's release. There will be hard moments in the days and months ahead and some will surely label our response as disproportionate. While we did not start this latest conflict, we will be the ones to finish it.

We will fight them in the blog posts, we will fight them over the airwaves. We will never surrender. We will not waver; we will not tire; we will not falter; and we will not fail. Peace and freedom, for Ralphie as well as the rest of us, will prevail.

May God bless Ralphie.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Geez, a guy leaves the country for a couple of days and the long knives come out in force. I recall the good old days when needling stopped at the water's edge.

My time here in The Netherlands has been rather interesting. I've been doing some research at the Het Nationaal Archief and have uncovered disturbing evidence of a hidden lifestyle of the self-proclaimed "Voice of Reason in the West."

You may recall that in August 2004, I was in Amsterdam to report on the city's annual floating Pride! Parade (R.T. Rybak's kind of parade). I missed last year's festivities, but, as this picture clearly shows, a notable talk radio host was on hand to hawk his book and share his "morning glory" with the world.

Those of you inclined to doubt the authenticity of the photograph would do well to trust your instincts. Go with your gut. Or go with his gut. If the waistbands fit, he's the kind of guy Ennis wishes he could quit.

Another interesting development on this front is the story of "Lily" McBeth:

To students at Eagleswood Elementary School, she used to be Mr. McBeth. Now, after undergoing a sex change, 71-year-old Lily McBeth is ready to return to teaching as Miss McBeth.

Some of us have suspected that this "Mary Katherine Ham" character blogging at Hugh's site is really just an alter-ego used by Mr. Hewitt as an outlet for his more feminine side. If you take a close look at the picture of Lily(Lily, oh Lily), you'll notice a striking resemblance to the silver-haired shock jock. It's a man, baby! And oh what a man.

[Thanks to Derek, Andy, and Richard for the help.]


Saturday, December 24, 2005
That Hugh Hewitt Is Simply Abominable

The voting has closed and the people have spoken. And by an overwhelming margin you have decided that Hugh is the Bumble.

(Thanks Derek)

Oh well. He'll always be Ralphie to me.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Reflections Of A Dangerous Mind

I caught a little bit of the Hugh Hewitt show today. I say "a little bit" because here at my sprawling estate on the east side of Eagan the AM1280 signal tends to be a bit dicey at times. It's a problem I find quite curious as the transmitter, also located in Eagan, sits mere miles from my kitchen radio.

The first bit I did hear, albeit between incredibly loud bursts of static, was Hugh bemoaning the fact that NASA successfully crashed the Deep Impact probe into comet Tempel 1 over the weekend. Hugh, being a true man of science, fears we may have unleashed upon the universe some nature of imprisoned monster whose new found freedom will allow it to wreak unfettered havoc upon all of creation.

I'm sure Hugh would get along famously with Russian astrologer Marina Bai. She has sued NASA claiming the Deep Impact collision has somehow disturbed "the natural balance of forces in the universe" and is actively seeking damages for her "moral sufferings" because the success of the mission threatens to "deform her horoscope".

Compared to Hugh, this gal sounds like an astrophysics professor.

Later on in the show, Mr. Hewitt broached yet another subject that it seems he is grossly under-equipped to discuss...yes, I mean music. Now, this was well into the third hour, so maybe we can cut him some slack for being tired, but the man actually claimed that Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" was nothing more that a rip-off of CC&R's "Who'll Stop the Rain?". Yeah, that's right...CC&R.

Now, leaving aside the absurdity that Floyd looked to John Fogerty and company for inspiration, what I found amusing was that Hugh continued to refer to CC&R for an entire segment with nary a word of correction from Generalissimo Duane and his studio full of lackeys. Does Hugh rule with such an iron fist that his radio companions live in fear that any attempt to correct his errors will be met with fiery rage? Could be. It could also be that they were just as amused as I and simply enjoyed hearing the self described musical genius make a fool of himself.

Then I got to thinking...given Hugh's astonishing lack of musical knowledge, what other outrageous comparisons might he be able to create? So, with apologies to the Nihilist crew, I give you:

Hugh Hewitt's Top 5 Musical Couplets

Peggy Lee's "It's A Good Day" and
"Beautiful Day" by U and 2

Megadeth's "Killing Is My Business...and Business is Good" and
"Takin' Care of Business" by BT and O

Gordon Lightfoot's "Carefree Highway" and
"Highway to Hell" by AC and DC

Motorhead's "Fight" and
"I Can't Fight This Feeling" by RE and O Speedwagon

Tool's "Third Eye" and
"Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" by Crosby and Stills and Nash and Young


Friday, June 03, 2005
Our Rep Is Getting Rapped

It's not every day that you hear the governor of your state mention you on a nationally syndicated radio show. That's exactly what happened yesterday when Governor Tim Pawlenty appeared on the Hugh Hewitt show. From the transcripts:

HH: That's the Fraters Libertas, and they're drunks.

TP: Yes. Exactly. We had them over for a social and they are...

I knew that we should have left Atomizer at home. Can't take him anywhere.

It should also be noted that Governor Pawlenty once again politely, but firmly slapped down Hugh's plea to add another honorary title to his collection. Something silly like "Gymnasiarch of The Twin Cities." Yeah, like this guy is in any position to advise us how to get in shape. Good call Governor Pawlenty. Hold firm on your "no new titles" stand.

By the way, if the granola crunchin', tree huggin', snow boardin', Coors swillin' bloggers from Colorado want to participate in some sort of a challenge with us, we say (in a John Kerryesque voice), "Bring It On."

Hockey, skiing, trivia, Stratego, knife fights, whatever. Our house, your house, Hugh's house, wherever. As long as it doesn't involve snowmobiles (given Hugh's track record), we're game.

Keep in mind that you're not just messin' with the Northern Alliance anymore either. Now, you're facing the full power of the MOB (Minnesota Organization of Bloggers) as well. Never go against the family.


Saturday, March 05, 2005
Runnin' On Empty a.k.a. Caption Hugh

UPDATE 3/5: We're still taking entries and will continue to throughout the weekend. On Monday we'll pick the Top Ten and have a poll to determine the winner. Keep those captions coming.

Dan has a plea that I think we can all can appreciate:

Oh, Lord...PLEASE!, don't let Hewitt on Ice V be a wet T-shirt contest!

I asked Generalissimo Duane if he was interested in entering the contest. His reply:

I try to stay away from porn whenever possible.

Sage advice indeed.

UPDATE 3/3: We've received tons of great caption entries. Keep 'em coming! I think we'll set up a separate page to list them all. Then we'll choose the top ten and have a poll to determine the winner. For now, I'll list my three favorites under the photo. And yes, I am going to milk (no pun intended) this for all it's worth.

Meanwhile, Mike wonders if it's too early to start
Christmas shopping for Hugh?

Hugh Hewitt fancies himself to be a bit of a runner. In fact, after he ran the Southern California Half Marathon, he even had the temerity to compare himself to Zola Bud while mocking another runner who was unable to participate in the race due to injury.

Hugh also enjoys needling his radio producer, Generalissimo Duane for having the physique of a softball player.

Well folks, you finally have a chance to see what a true athlete looks like in action. Here's a shot of the lean mean runnin' machine as he picks 'em up and puts 'em down during the Southern California Half Marathon (competing no doubt in the Clydesdale Division:

Top Three Entries So Far

Barbara: "The Voice of Reason With The Breasts"

Katie: "Damn stalkerazzi! Why won't they leave that poor Kathleen Turner alone?!"

And finally, this beaut from Wagonboy (a regular caller to Hugh's show):

Shoes tied? Check!
Timer on watch set? Check!
Hat? Check!
Bib number 3644 secure? Check!
Man bra?
Man bra!?

Click to enlarge the image. Here is another close up of the legendary sportsman.

To celebrate the acquisition of such a priceless treasure, we've decided to have a little contest to properly caption this precious photo. Send your caption entries to:

We'll post the top ten entries and the winner will receive a special prize. Enter early, enter often.

I don't have any clever commentary to add at this point. The only thing I will say is that the weather must been a bit nippy on race day.


Friday, December 24, 2004
All I Want For Christmas... Hugh's new book. Wait, a complimentary copy just arrived in the mail today. Finally, I'll be able to understand what this whole blogging thing is really all about.

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Monday, October 04, 2004
Tossin' and Turnin'

Today is going to be a long day. Not because of any especially onerous burdens that the day holds in store for me, but because I probably accumulated a grand total of two hours of sleep last night. I went to bed at a reasonable time and didn't have to arise at an ungodly hour this morning. The problem was that for most of the wretched night I couldn't reach the blissful land of nod, despite my best efforts to slip into dreamland. And for that failure I blame...

...the 401K Latte Guy a.k.a. Peter McClellan. For last night he was at the Patriot Forum, featuring Hugh Hewitt and Jason Lewis, dispensing coffee from a jetpack-like contraption strapped to his back. He looked a bit like those guys who shoot t-shirts into the crowd at basketball games, and I half expected him to ask people to open their mouths while he directed a stream of scalding java toward them from forty feet away.

It was around 5:30pm, about halfway through the social hour, and I had already enjoyed a bottle of John Kerry's favorite beer, when my wife asked if I wanted a cup of coffee from the investment barista. My first thought was to pass, knowing that caffeine intake at that time of day had historically played havoc with my sleep patterns, but the desire for a dose of liquid energy overcame my sensible side and I acquiesced. Eight hours later, as I restlessly writhed in bed unable to slumber, I deeply regretted my decision and silently cursed the name of the source of my unease. Damn you 401K Latte Guy! Damn you all to hell!

Otherwise the event itself was quite enjoyable. As promised, Hugh and Jason did indeed rock the house. Over six hundred Patriot listeners turned out to hear the dynamic duo, and I don't think any of them went home disappointed. With the notable exception of the guy who wanted Hugh to autograph his USC cheerleader outfit that is. Some lines he just won't cross.

A energetic spokeswoman for the Bush/Cheney campaign in Minnesota briefly spoke as well, and she announced that President Bush will once again be visiting our fair state. The details are a bit sketchy at this point, but it looks like Bush will be making an appearance at a park in Chanhassen on Saturday October 9th around noon. Check the campaign website for updates and information on how you can get tickets.

In all likelihood we'll have a couple of Northern Alliance Radio Network correspondents on hand to cover the event, and there's a decent chance I'll be one of them. With the President's visit, the debates on Tuesday and Friday, the Twins playoff series against them damn Yankees, and Thursday night trivia at Keegan's it's going to be a very busy week. I best rest up this evening.


Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I Am So Crunchy The Clown

While we're on the topic of fraud and forgeries check out the picture on this site promoting an upcoming event. Are we really expected to believe that it is a picture of Hugh Hewitt? This is Hugh Hewitt That's some color blind Hewitt impersonator. C'mon, even Dan Rather could see through this one.


Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Reality Radio?

So this (no permalinks-scroll down) is how it's gonna be eh little buddy Duane? After all we've been through, this is how you repay me? Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay.

And you might want to rethink your dissing of the man we know as the Tom Bodett of the Northern Alliance. He'll definitely turn your lights out fer ya.

Meanwhile, Michael e-mails with his thoughts on a possible avenue for Duane's blog:

What if Duane, instead of "bringing the dirt" about Hugh, turns Hugh's show--through his narration-- into something of a reality radio show where he has an 18-week contest with bloggers/radio wannabes to earn a spot as "The Producer" or "The Announcer," or another knock-off of "The Apprentice."

Now, of course, Hugh would play the role of "The Donald"--maybe its the bad hair or deranged desire to snatch up honorary titles like Trump does gaudy gold-plated entryways--but I think its a perfect fit. Of course, there are any number of other roles to fill such as:

"George"--the curmudgeonly old advisor (Why, the Elder of course),

"Carolyn"--the sophisticated, yet tough advisor (The Fetching Mrs. Hewitt)

"Bill"--the young entrepreneur (Atomizer)

"Troy"--the charismatic cowboy-type (I was going to say Lileks, but I
can't do it with a straight face)

"Omarossa"--the manipulating self-promoter (can Hugh play dual roles?)

Hugh as The Donald? There is some potential here...


Monday, September 13, 2004
Hugh's Happy...

'Cause his favorite football team won. Tip your hat to 'em Hugh.


Wednesday, September 01, 2004
A Little Birdie Told Me...

That Hugh Hewitt will be appearing on the Al Franken show at 2:00pm EST today. Okay, it was Atomizer, not a little birdie. Why he was listening to Air America in the first place is a question that he will have to be answer later, and his respone will almost certainly result in extra helpings of ridicule and scorn.

Yesterday McAuliffe, today Franken? Hugh really is earning his pay of late. You can tune in to the show via this Air America Radio stream. (Be patient-it may take a while to load.)


Friday, August 27, 2004
The Pressure Mounts

And the archives of Hugh in his yellow tux continue to emerge.

James has uncovered this picture of Hugh stepping out for a smoke during his prom.

Meanwhile, Richard thinks he's found the tux itself.

Kevin at Cadet Happy, may have the real deal here.

Robert e-mails to give us idea what seed art Hugh (like the pic of Senator Wellstone on the left side of the page) might look like.

Tim chimes in via e-mail as well:

I didn't think you could pull it off, but you did manage to get Hugh's prom picture. Nice work. Did he ask the bearded lady to the prom? Did his dad loan him the little clown car, and did he take all of his friends and their dates to the prom? When he got to the prom, did he do the mime bit pretending he couldn't find the door? I could go on, but it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

Finally, Cameron at Way Off Base (I wonder who came up with that clever name) has discovered a list of names that Hugh was referred to at his prom:

Ol' Yellow Stain
The Ohio Yoke'l
Big Bird
Little Mary Sunbeam
Take It Off! You're Blinding Me!
Put It Back On Before Your Pale Skin Burns Out My Corneas!
The Dividing Line
Legal Pad
Dandy Lion
Pee Diddy

The truth cannot be supressed for long. The picture must be released.


Wednesday, August 25, 2004
The Commissioner In Yellow

There has been a lot of focus on a single burning issue issue that could be easily cleared up if the man at the center of the maelstrom would simply release the pertinent documents to the public. There has been obfuscation, denials and outright pig-headedness on the part of this individual and while some bloggers have succeeded in scratching at the surface, the truth is still out there.

Wait no longer, friends. After a lengthy bargaining session with a home economics teacher in Ohio, I present to you now a photograph of Hugh Hewitt dressed for his 1974 prom.

Yikes!!! That's quite the outfit. Hugh's date was one lucky girl.

By the way, Hugh's old home ec teacher told me that he was quite skilled at the art of macrame while in high school. In fact, she said that he was her most gifted student. Or did she say "special"?


Birds Of A Feather?

The credibility clock continues to tick for two prominent media types who persist in ducking challenges.

Jim Boyd from the Star Tribune can talk the talk (as he did in a Sunday editorial ripping the gents at Power Line), but he cowardly refuses to walk the walk and appear in a live, on-air debate at the Minnesota State Fair.

Meanwhile, the Hugh Hewitt camp is in full damage control mode as the "Long Carbine of Yellow" still declines to release his 1974 prom photo.

Given Hugh's cover-up and stubborn stonewalling (he did work for Nixon didn't he?) David from Pittsburgh suggests an alternative to the actual photo:

I wouldn't wait for Double-H to cough up the photo. Why not commission the Wellstone artist to render Hugh in sweet, delicious yellow corn? He's already been called "Kernel" Slanders. And if he doesn't like it, he can just eat it.

James Phillips, from the Fraters West Coast Research Bureau Northern California Office, has been doing some digging as well and has uncovered previously unpublished photos of Hugh wearing the infamous yellow tuxedo.

More recently he appeared with the First Lady and Peter Beinart:

And then there is this shot of Hugh at his high school prom sitting in to jam with the band:

The truth is out there Hugh. You can't hide from it. Release the photo now or I'm sure we'll see many more archives start emerging from the woodwork.

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Full and Complete Disclosure

Last week on his nationally syndicated radio broadcast, I believe during a segment where he was running down women for the pace at which they play golf, Hugh Hewitt mentioned that he had recently unearthed a prom picture from the 70's that featured him wearing a canary yellow tuxedo (and this is a guy who likes to pretend that my nickname is "Peeps"? I believe the psychological term "projection" applies here). Since radio is not a visual medium, the full impact of this intriguing image was lost on his many faithful listeners. As a service to those listeners, I have made numerous requests on their behalf (through the proper channels of course) to have the photo released for wider public consumption. Unfortunately, the mighty Hewitt Empire has so far stonewalled all attempts to give the public what they want and rightly deserve to see.

I now believe that our only recourse is to start a campaign asking, nay demanding that Hugh release this photo immediately. Hugh's continuing refusal to produce the photo leads one to wonder just exactly what is he trying to hide here. What is he so afraid of? Unless, and only unless, the photo is released, lingering doubts about Hugh's character will continue to build in the public's mind. The resolution to this matter requires a simple act on Hugh's behalf to restore our trust and faith in him. The truth shall set you free Hugh.

Join me in asking Hugh to reveal the truth (no matter how ugly it may be) and release the photo. You can contact Hugh via e-mail at:

Or you can call his talk radio show which airs from 5pm-8pm CST at 1-800-520-1234.

Or, if you live in the Upper Midwest, you can come out to the Minnesota State Fair and see Hugh broadcast live this Thursday and Friday.

Whatever method you use to communicate with Hugh, just remember to keep the message short and clear. Demand that Hugh release the prom photo now. The whole world is waiting.


A Fine Line Between Clever And Stupid

Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?

Last Saturday, while slaving away at the palatial AM1280 The Patriot studios, I heard a new promotion for an upcoming station event that left me dazed and confused. After hearing it a couple of more times yesterday, I think I have finally figured out what was going on. And now I will share it with you. Don't blame me if reading any more of this leaves you groaning and rolling your eyes.

The promo talks about a "long awaited return" and says that someone is coming back to town for a special political event. It never mentions any names, but during it there are three or four different Huey Lewis and The News songs playing. My initial thought was that the group was going to be playing a concert sponsored by the station. But Captain Ed informed me that Huey Lewis was a John Kerry supporter, a fact confirmed by Derek from Freedom Dogs. Hmmm...

(WARNING: Possible Spoiler ahead)

This can't be confirmed yet, but there is a rumor that former local talk radio host Jason Lewis (currently toiling away in Charlotte, NC) is coming back to the Twin Cities in October for a special presidential debate event with...

...everybody's favorite nationally syndicated talk show host, Hugh Hewitt.

Get it? It may just be idle speculation, but I theorize that

Hugh Hewitt plus Jason Lewis


Huey Lewis


I warned you. You can't say that I didn't warn you.

Almost sounds like something that the guy at Plastic Hallway would come up with, doesn't it?

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Monday, August 23, 2004
Not Without My Ralphie

A trip just isn't a trip without the company of the little man with the big head. 2004 has been a busy year for our Ralphie. He's been sited all over the Upper Midwest. He's traveled from the dusty soccer fields of Chihuahua, Mexico to the bustling city streets of Shanghai, China.

And now he's gone Dutch as well.

Ralphie was in Amsterdam checking out the sites and sounds around the harbor area. You can see the city's main train station in the distant background. He also spent some time wandering through the pedestrian friendly streets of the city and its many picturesque canals.

Although Ralphie's main interests in life revolve around hockey, washing down Cheetos with Diet Coke, and trying not to break his glasses, he also finds time for the finer things. While in Amsterdam he was able to sneak in a visit to the Rijksmuseum, which houses an impressive collection of art masterpieces from the Golden Age of Dutch history. Here he relaxes by the pool outside the museum.

Where will Ralphie pop up next?

Well, he can't make any guarantees, but I'd say there's a fighting chance you might be able to find him at the upcoming Minnesota State Fair. It is the place to be this time of year and I believe that Ralphie's hero and mentor will be making an appearance there as well.


Friday, August 20, 2004
Bring Them On

Break out your "Best of Europe" CD and get ready to crank up "The Final Countdown". Ladies and gentlemen (and readers of Plastic Hallway) IT IS ON. The long awaited showdown is almost here. We are now less than a week away from what very well might someday be known as the "Bleedin' at Keegan's." Okay so it ain't the Thriller in Manila. You try to find something that rhymes with Keegan's. Other than vegans that is.

Anyway, the important thing is that next week talk radio maven Hugh Hewitt is finally going to be forced to put his money where his mouth is. Hugh will lead an "all-star" team of trivia competitors into Keegan's Irish Pub to face off against the vaunted Fraters squad. Rumor has it that Michael Medved and James Lileks will be teaming up with Hugh (and answering 99% of the questions for him).

We don't have any of those fancy Ivy League-schooled, book learnin' types on our side, but we are proud to announce the addition of Michael J. Nelson to the Fraters trivia team. We may not have the intellectual fire power of Hugh's team, but we won't be lacking for wise cracking commentary come next Thursday. And we're much better looking.

Mark your calendars. Thursday August 26th commencing round about 9pm. Keegans Irish Pub in Nordeast Minneapolis. Folks you do not want to miss this one. It is goin' be huge.

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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Invisible Airwaves Crackle With Lies

Hugh Hewitt has mastered the art of the "Big Lie"; a propaganda tool usually attributed to Joseph Goebbels (probably incorrectly) that follows the maxim that it's easier to tell a big lie than a small one. Over the years Herr Hewitt has concocted many such Big Lies about me in his never-ending effort to slander my "good name". Here are just a few of the dozens of libelous claims made by Hugh:

- That I am a drunk, homeless bum living on the streets.

- That I live in the basement of the my Mom's house. (Note that there is no consistency in Hugh's prevarications.)

- That I go by the nickname "Peeps".

- That I am a figure skater who sometimes competes in pairs competition with James Lileks.

- That I eat dozens of powdered donuts each day and my body resembles said powdered donut.

- That I live on a farm and listen to Hugh's show while milking cows.

- That I am a liberal Democrat who supports Ted Kennedy. (This is one of Hugh's more common lies used against many others.)

- That I am a professional Pee Wee Herman impersonator.

- That I am a professional Cher impersonator.

- That I am being medicated for various psychiatric conditions.

- That I am a single loser incapable of getting a date.

These are just a sampling of the many, many lies that Hugh has sought to spread about me on the national airwaves. They are of course all untrue. But, since Hugh has the forum of his nationally syndicated radio show to spread them, they tend to be believed by many of his listeners.

The latest trumped up charge brought by Hugh is that I am a huge fan of "American Idol", Clay Aiken in particular. I missed hearing this bogus claim when it was broadcast, but Hugh was "kind" enough to let me know via e-mail that he had once again sullied my reputation. And it led to this e-mail from Terrie at Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion:

I understand that you are a Clay Aiken fan, according to Hugh Hewitt, as am I. I have published my first political post at my web log, which can be found here and includes my humorous reflections on the Kerrys, Hugh Hewitt, and Tim Russert. If you have the time and inclination to search my archives, you will find articles about Clay Aiken and American Idol.

Although I do not share Terrie's fondness for Clay or "American Idol", I do appreciate a sharp-minded analysis of the media, which Terrie offers up:

The Dennis Miller show on CNBC and Special Report with Brit Hume on FNC are must "C" TV. Their multimedia equivalent is Hugh Hewitt, whose radio show and web site are touchstones for center-right conservatism. Hugh is the hub of the blogosphere that is responsible for the deconstruction of Kerry's Cambodia fable. His new book If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat is on my birthday wish list. I live in Hugh?s home territory, but our local station KRLA delays the third hour of his broadcast for three hours. Why? So they can carry Michael Savage during drive time. Savage does not fit in the same lineup with influential thinkers William Bennett, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved and Hugh Hewitt.

Influential yes. Honest? Not when it comes to yours truly. When you hear Hugh start talking about me, just remember to take it with a grain boulder of salt.


Thursday, July 29, 2004
The Ever Expanding Hewitt Empire

Hugh Hewitt reports from Boston:

He was holding forth on the perils of being a French journalist in 2004 America. I was buying my 20th small pizza--a necessity...

A necessity? Sounds like those Adjustable Waistband Dockers are going to be coming in real handy. Real soon.


Monday, July 26, 2004
Stickin' With The One That Brung Ya

Tom e-mails to propose that we throw Hugh over and adopt a new talk radio host:

Linked through to Laura Ingraham's site from your post. A click on the picture of her dog got me to her photo page. The first picture is Ingraham very businesslike in the handling of a what appears to be a fine crafted over-under shotgun. She was "hunting" clays in Minnesota of all places. (So Mitch Berg and the unmarried members of Fraters may be able to find a good conservative woman at Mills Fleet Farm after all.) Contrast this with pictures of Ralphie in the outdoors...a rented sled come a cropper in a pine tree, pouting over a split lip, etc. I believe it is time to change loyalties. I'm certain Laura might make you her sports reporter and won't ask about Bartolo Colon.

While it is undoubtedly true that Laura Ingraham pursues more manly activities than Hugh, has a bigger Adam's apple, and probably would not ask silly ambush questions when we called the show, we can't bail on our man Hugh. He may well be a clumsy Dockers-wearing, athletically-challenged nerd who listens to folk music, but damnit he's OUR clumsy Dockers-wearing, athletically-challenged nerd who listens to folk music and we ain't gonna give up on him. Not without our Ralphie.


Thursday, July 22, 2004
Living La Vida Loca

Exactly where is Hugh going anyway:

More from the Ricky Mountain state tomorrow.

And what's really on his mind when he's blogging?


Resistance Is Feudal

Tim from Colorado shares my concerns about the Hewitt media saturation campaign:

I read the title of Hugh's new book, simply abbreviated as "IINCTCCCTDIEEAWYLDOI" and wondered why such a long title. Now, coupled with your observation about Hugh popping up everywhere, kind of like Jared from the Subway commercials, I think it's all part of a bigger plot by Hugh.

In fact, if you say the title of Hugh's book backwards it sounds something like "I know everything. You will become part of the California collective. Bestow upon me meaningless titles. Bring me my snowmobile."

Or something like that. Our only defense may be to wear aluminum foil skull caps so he can't tell what our real thoughts are.

I plan on ensconcing myself in tin foil. His satellites are everywhere you know.


Wednesday, July 21, 2004
The King Of All Media...

Is Hugh Hewitt? As unlikely as that may sound, it is the almost inescapable conclusion one draws if you've been tuned into various media outlets this week. Besides his own show, which runs for three hours every day, Hugh has recently "graced" the Today Show, the Dennis Miller Show, and every local talk radio show with more than seven listeners between Key West and Kirkland, Washington. He also appeared on "Raybuse on the Right" here in the Twin Cities this past Saturday.

This afternoon I flipped on the Dennis Prager show only to discover that Hugh was shamelessly shilling his book there as well. Is there no escaping the Hewitt media bombardment? Are we on the slippery slope to networks devoted to "all Hugh, all the time"? Is this just a bad dream? Is so, somebody please wake me for I don't know how much more I can take.

Do not adjust your dial.

He controls all frequencies.



Monday, July 19, 2004
If Won't Mean A Thing If We Don't Get Them To Swing

Just polished off Hugh Hewitt's latest literary effort. Unless you've been hiding under a rock or living in a cave for the last three weeks (did anybody tell Osama?) I'm sure you've heard about Hugh's book. He hasn't exactly been shy about promoting it so far, and it sounds as if the real blitz is only just getting started. If you're at your local Barnes and Noble and you notice a bespectacled, silver-haired shock jock in Dockers with a goofy smile coming at you with a stack of red books, I recommend that you find the exit immediately.

Of course I did not have to shell out any lucre for my copy, although I hesitate to describe it as "free". Considering the mountains of abuse that Hugh has heaped on me and my good name in the last year, I feel that the book is the minimum that Hugh owes me. Reparations! I demand reparations!

I don't agree with all the points that Hugh makes in his book. He's more willing than I am to trade principle for power; the Toomey-Specter race for example. But overall it's a concise, thoughtful examination of the reasons that people should support the GOP in the 2004 election, along with concrete examples of what that support should entail (it's much more that just voting).

He isn't afraid to take the occasional jab at fellow conservatives either. In fact I believe that this particular line may very well be referring to a fellow talk radio host on Hugh's same network:

While self-proclaimed experts on borders and quotas and culture rant away, voting citizens hear these rants as appeals to racists instincts, even when they are not intended that way.

My only quibble with Mr. Hewitt's effort, other than the matter of his referring to our blog as "annoying", is that he is too quick to dismiss those who support third parties:

Greens are useful only as a bleeding device on Democrats, and Libertarians only as a bleeding device on Republicans. Both Greens and Libertarians are good for chuckles, but it is an absurd choice to ally oneself with one or the other and marks the self-declared Green or Libertarian as a naive and beside-the-point political nonentity.

There's no point being involved in politics unless you are an active Republican or Democrat. If you are an independent or minor party candidate, you have no say in things. Nor will you in your lifetime.

I don't substantially disagree with Hugh's assessment of third party supporters. And I concur with his view that:

...if you walk away from politics because you can't have everything your way, you are helping the people win who are least like you and most opposed to your views.

But we can't afford to just write them off so cavalierly. I'm speaking of libertarians here. When it comes to the Green party; I say the more, the merrier. Go Greens. What I'm worried about is losing votes of disaffected conservatives. And what we can do to convince them to vote for Bush.

This past Saturday night, Atomizer was hosting a party at his new abode. Late in the evening, after the keg of Summit had been hit early and often, we got into a debate with an intelligent, articulate, well-read friend of Atomizer's (no, that's not an oxymoron) with views that would be described by most as conservative. For the most part he supports the actions taken in the war against Islamist militants and agrees that Bush's tax cuts have helped stimulate the economy out of recession. But he's not voting for Bush in November. He's pulling the libertarian lever instead.

We went round and round with him on this decision. How a vote for the libertarian candidate was a vote for Kerry, how you could never find a candidate with perfect views to fit yours, how this was the most important election in years (at least since 1980), how you needed to weigh the most important issues and vote on them, how Bush could actually win the state this year, etc. etc. All to no avail.

The reality on the ground for me and, I suspect many others who read Hugh's book, is that there are not many Democrats out there whom I can persuade to vote for Bush. Those few that I know are pretty hard core lefties and not likely to come over. On the other hand, I know a number of folks whose political views are much more closely aligned with the GOP than with the Dems, but are either wavering on Bush or already committed to voting for a third party (usually either libertarian or constitutional). These are the people we need to influence.

The question is how. What are the killer arguments that can sway them to vote for Bush this November? Is it too late for a supplemental chapter Hugh?

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Friday, July 16, 2004
What's In A Name?

Joshua at View From a Height wonders if this is a case of "if it's close, they can cheat":
Associated Press

FIGEAC, France -- Lance Armstrong finished ninth in Thursday's stage of the Tour de France and accused French reporters of trying to rummage through his hotel room in hopes of finding evidence of doping.
The Texan said one reporter has been following the team for months, calling the conduct "scandalous."

The France 3 investigative reporter in question, Huges Huet, confirmed he went to the hotel to talk to Armstrong aides about his teammates and chatted to the hotel manager for a few minutes. But he denied he sought access to the champion's room.

That almost sounds like someone we know, doesn't it?


Thursday, July 15, 2004
Up The Country

Even the Infinite Monkeys have now jumped on the Hugh Hewitt book bandwagon. Baby, don't you wanna go?


Wednesday, July 14, 2004
He Walks The Walk

Joe Carter from the evangelical outpost has a spot on tribute to a man Joe describes as the "George Bailey of the media world". Be sure to read the whole thing.


Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Look Who's Coming To Town

President Bush is not the only famous person to visit Duluth of late. Why, just look who showed up there yesterday. Oh, the places he'll go.


Talk About Your Strange Bedfellows

Hugh Hewitt and the Minneapolis Star Tribune? Or more precisely, Hugh Hewitt and Star Tribune political reporter Bob von Sternberg?

Yesterday von Sternberg prominently mentioned Hugh's new book in a story on new releases for the campaign season.

Today he once again references the silver haired voice of reason; this time in a piece on political blogs in South Dakota:

On the ground in South Dakota, the race between Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., and Republican challenger John Thune has been running below most news media radar, but it sure hasn't in the blogosphere.

Daschle opponents have set up at least three Web logs with the sole intention of smoking him out and helping defeat him.

Most recently, last week they climbed all over a story in Time magazine, which reported that Daschle hugged Michael Moore, director of 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' after a Washington, D.C., screening.

By the end of last week, Daschle had issued a statement saying he had never met Moore and had left the screening early so he could cast a vote in the Senate.

The incident prompted conservative radio talk show host and columnist Hugh Hewitt to comment: "The influence of blogging on politics is nowhere more obvious than in South Dakota. Tom Daschle has long sold himself as a moderate to South Dakota voters, and has done so with the assistance of a very friendly local press. But now the locals get the news via a stream of serious reporters trawling the national press and Internet sites for the real news on the hyper-partisan Daschle."

The Hugh Hewitt/Star Tribune relationship: it appears that there have at least been contacts, could there be collaboration as well?

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Friday, July 09, 2004
And Many More...

Not only does he have a new book being released next week called, If It's Not Close, They Can't Cheat: Crushing the Democrats in Every Election and Why Your Life Depends on It, but today is also the fourth anniversary of Hugh Hewitt's talk radio show. Our congratulations go out to Hugh, Generalissimo Duane, Lynne the WebXena, Adam Youngman, and the rest of the crew (especially the guy who restocks the vending machine) responsible for one of the very best shows in the land.

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Thursday, June 24, 2004
As Long As They're Talking About You It Doesn't Matter What They Say

A little Monkey told me that we're mentioned in Hugh's new book due out next month. Not bad for a site once described by Mark A. R. Kleiman as "a deservedly obscure blog."

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A Red Rider For Osama?


A career CIA officer claims in a new book that America is losing the war on terror, in part because of the invasion of Iraq, which, he says, distracted the United States from the war against terrorism and further fueled al-Qaida's struggle against the United States. The author, who writes as "Anonymous", is a 22-year veteran of the CIA and still works for the intelligence agency, which allowed him to publish the book after reviewing it for classified information.

Not unexpectedly, the media is playing up this authors opinion that the war with Iraq is a distraction in the fight against Al-Qaida. And, although I still support the decision to invade Iraq, this argument is by far the strongest case against it.

What is not receiving as much attention is the CIA officer's contentions that we are not taking the threat from Al-Qaida seriously enough, that we refuse to acknowledge the true nature of the war, and that we have not pursued it aggressively or violently enough. From an interview (same link as above) with NBC's Andrea Mitchell:

Anonymous: ...I think we are, for various reasons, loath to talk about the role of religion in this war. And it's not to criticize one religion or another, but bin Laden is motivated and his followers and his associates are motivated by what they believe their religion requires them to do. And until we accept that fact and stop identifying them as gangsters or terrorists or criminals, we're very much behind the curve.

On what needs to be done militarily:

Mitchell: "You call for some very tough actions here. You talk about escalating our war against them, and you say in your book that killing in large numbers is not enough to defeat our Muslim foes. This killing must be a Sherman-like razing of infrastructure. You talk about civilian deaths. You talk about landmines. Is that really what we have come to in this war on terror?"

Anonymous: "I think we've come to the place where the military is about our only option. We have not really discussed the idea of why we're at war with what I think is an increasing number of Muslims. Which -- it's very hard in this country to debate policy regarding Israel or to debate actions or policies that might result in more expensive energy. I don't think it's something that we wanted to do, but I think it's where we've arrived. We've arrived at the point where the only option is military. And quite frankly, in Iraq and in Afghanistan we've applied that military force with a certain daintiness that has not served our interests well.

Fallujah anyone?

Advice to Bush:

Mitchell: "What would you like to tell the president?"

Anonymous: "I would like to tell the president, I think, and, and it's presumptuous of me, but I genuinely think that we have underestimated the scope of the enemy, the dedication of the enemy and the threat that it poses to the United States. I think someone should have gone to the president when the, when the discussion of going to Iraq was broached and have said, Mr. President, this is something that can only help Osama bin Laden. Whatever the danger posed by Saddam, whatever weapons he had, is almost irrelevant in that the boost it would give to al-Qaida was easily seen. And if that message wasn't delivered, then I think there was a mistake made. I also think that Mr. Lincoln's view that one war at a time is plenty is probably a good piece of guidance."

More stick less carrot:

Mitchell: "And what are you going to say to those who say that this is anti-American and that this is a really prejudiced approach? What do you say to those who say that your call for a war against Muslim people, is really only going to make the situation worse?"

Anonymous: "I wonder how much worse the situation can be, in the first instance. We continue to believe that somehow public diplomacy or words will affect the anger and hatred of Muslims. And I'm not advocating war as my choice. What I'm advocating is, in order to protect the United States, it is our only option. As long as we pursue the current policies we have, until we have a debate about those policies, there's not a lot we can do. We won't talk them out of their anger, we won't convince them we're an honest broker between the Israel and the Palestinians. We won't convince that we're not supporting tyrannies in the Arab world from the Atlantic to the Indian Ocean.

"It's the only option. It's not a good option; it's the only option. And I'm not saying we attack people who aren't attacking us. But in areas where we realize our enemies are, perhaps we have to be more aggressive."

On weighing the costs of inaction:

Mitchell: "Even if it means civilian casualties?"

Anonymous: "That's the way war is. I've never really understood the idea that any American government, any American elected official is responsible for protecting civilians who are not Americans. My experience working against bin Laden was there was multiple occasions when we did not take advantage of an opportunity to solve the problem because we were afraid of killing a civilian, we were afraid of hitting a mosque with shrapnel, we were afraid of disrupting sales of arms overseas. Very seldom in my career have I ever heard anyone ask what happens if we don't do this.

My own opinion is we should err on the side of protecting Americans first. And if we make a mistake in that kind of action, I think the American people will accept that..."

Even though I've excerpted quite a bit of the interview, I still urge you to read the whole thing. You may not agree with all his assertions, but, unlike the silliness that is Fahrenheit 911, at least they are worth debating. Plus anyone who provides a reference like this deserves a chance to be heard:

Anonymous: "If you're familiar with that wonderful Christmas movie, 'A Christmas Story', at the end of the day, Ralphie getting his air rifle even though his mother was worried his eye would get shot out. It's a terrific gift."

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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Three Strikes And You're...

Sorry to burst you bubbles Hugh but:

1. I was competing in the Under Forty Division.

2. I took home a bronze medal thank you very much. In fact had my partner been able to make the trip, I'm certain we could have sewn up a gold in the pairs competition.

3. I am actually quite happy. I was able to pick up a lovely new sequined silk outfit in Shanghai, which I will debut in my next competition at the State Fair.

Try to get the story straight next time Mister "Voice of Reason."


Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Oh The Places He'll Go

I had previously mentioned that I was not alone on my recent trip to Shanghai. Yes, that little scamp Ralphie insisted that he accompany me on my journey to the People's Republic of China. He may be small in stature, but he's got a big heart and a strong will. And considering the beating that he's been taking while traveling lately, he needs plenty of both to keep on keeping on.

After an arduous journey there's nothing better than relaxing with a nice cold beer.

Ralphie was worried that he would lose contact with his hero and mentor while in China. Fortunately, Hugh's site was easily accessible and Ralphie read every pearl of wisdom posted by the light of his life.

More Travels With Ralphie later this week.


Monday, June 21, 2004
Something's Rotten In SoCal

Last Thursday Hugh Hewitt revealed:

Finally, the Air Quality Management District of Southern California --full disclosure, I served a year on the Board of this agency until California Democrats threw me off-- is attacking the very dangerous problem of cow manure. Perhaps it can widen its scope to consider the work of the 9/11 Commission.

Which lead Tim from Colorado to e-mail and ask:

If you caught Hugh's blog last Thursday you would have discovered that he was removed (thrown off?) from the Air Quality Management District of Southern California, an agency that is currently discussing, as reported by Hugh, the urgent and fascinating problems of cow manure.

I have three questions:

1) Why did the board wait until Hugh was gone to discuss the cow manure problem? If you listen to his show everyday, it is clear Hugh knows his crap.

2) One would assume a board such as this would attack problems in a logical order of importance, so it begs the question, what comes after the solution of the cow manure problem?

3) What could Hugh have possibly said at the meetings to get himself booted off of such an august body like the Air Quality Management District of Southern California? This group seems to be fairly benign. I bet there was fisticuffs involved. Or maybe Hugh kept parking his snowmobile in the chairman's parking spot.

Good questions all Tim. Hugh's claims don't pass the smell test. We need to clear the air on these matters at once. What did Hugh know about cow manure and when did he know it?


Thursday, June 17, 2004
...You Ain't Gonna Make It With Anyone Anyhoo

As I've mentioned before, I've been quite surprised by just how "normal" things are here in Shanghai. I'm able to access the internet easily and without apparent restrictions. I get my daily dose of biased news coverage by watching the BBC in my hotel. ESPN is also available. I could eat lunch at McDonalds or Pizza Hut if I so wished. Or grab a cup of Joe at Starbucks. If you don't like the local beer you can get a Budweiser, Corona, or Heineken almost anywhere. All the comforts of home. Even talk radio.

Yes, talk radio. And it should really come as no surprise to learn that the king of the talk radio market in China is none other than Hugh Hewitt.

Yes, Hugh Hewitt. Apparently the Chinese authorities are well aware of Hugh's moderate, inoffensive political views (he was after all a self-proclaimed "Gerald Ford Guy") and consider his show harmless enough to allow it to be broadcast openly. It's not live of course due to the time differences. And I believe that the signal is being pirated (Intellectual property piracy in China? Imagine that...) so Shanghai is not officially considered part of the far flung Hewitt empire of affiliates.

But Hugh is huge here. And I don't just mean the larger than life images of Hugh's face that are ubiquitous throughout the city. You almost can't go anywhere here without running into Hugh's goofy mug staring down at you vacantly. Big Brother is watching you. And he's wearing Dockers.

It's really a bit frightening, this cult of personality that has sprung up around the bland, gray haired shock jock. It's rare to find people on the street without a copy of In But Not Of (Hugh's little white book) tucked under their arm. Hugh's influence has even spawned the formation of a group fanatically dedicated to the clumsy talk show host and his pedestrian way of life. These Gray Guards will stop at nothing, excepting an open bag of Cheetos in the street, to see Hugh's blurred vision of a utopian future realized. They sing stale folks songs as they march (tripping often over their own feet) into the public squares, holding aloft portraits of their beloved leader, and demanding retribution for the latest outrages against the people perpetrated by the counterrevolutionary running dogs at Fraters Libertas (derisively referred to as the 'Gang of Four').

But I am not afraid. Yea, though I walk through the valley of Hugh's pot bellied shadow, I will fear no evil: for Ralphie art with me; his glasses and his hockey stick they comfort me. When Ralphie is with me, who can be against me?

I suppose these foppish followers of the ultimate fair weather fan mean well. They all want to change the world. But when you go carrying pictures of Chairman Hugh...


Sunday, June 13, 2004
Do You Believe In Miracles?

Although he was unable to meet Senator Norm Coleman or Governor Tim Pawlenty, Ralphie's day at the Xcel Energy Center attending the 2004 Minnesota Republican Convention was not a complete wash. For Ralphie was able to pose next to a tribute to one of his heros, Minnesota's own Herb Brooks:

Later today I depart for a week in China on a bidness trip, but hopefully I'll have a chance to post some thoughts on yesterday's convention in the next few days days. Until then I leave you with a look at a way not to make friends and influence people. I love America, support Israel, and distrust the U.N. as much as the next guy, but displays such as this, in the parking lot across from the Xcel Energy Center at a very busy intersection, do not serve to sway public opinion. (The Saint Paul Cathedral is visible in the background.)


Wednesday, June 09, 2004
A Friend Of Hugh's... a friend who can't lose. The great bloggers of Fraters Libertas are proud to give all four of our votes to the next Showtime American Candidate President of the United States...

Jim Strock. Stop by Jim's site and show your support.


Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Hugh And His Little Buddy

Tonight I will be appearing, along with other Northern Alliance colleagues, as a guest host on the Hugh Hewitt radio show. Last week Hugh concocted a ridiculous story about me on the air. He claimed that my nickname was Peeps and that I had acquired the moniker in high school. His silly tale is of course completely untrue. It has about as much validity as the claim that Bush is responsible for 9/11. In fact it's exactly the kind of reckless disregard for the truth that we've seen from Bob Kerrey and Richard ben Veniste lately. So if you happen to hear Hugh mention Peeps later in the week, or if one of his underlings brings it up this evening, please keep in mind whose behavior they are mimicking. Do they really want to be like ben Veniste?

The official reason for Hugh's absence is that he is attending the Naval Academy's 44th annual Foreign Affairs Conference. Obviously this is just a front to disguise yet another shameless, ego-gratifying attempt by Hugh to garner a title. It's almost pathetic the way he slavishly pursues these meaningless honorariums in a futile effort to satisfy his megalomaniac fantasies. To each his own I guess.

And so Hugh will shortly be prostrating himself in the office of Vice Admiral Rodney P. Rempt (the Superintendent of the Naval Academy) to beg for yet another imaginary feather to place in his oversized cap. When the Vice Admiral sizes up the middle-aged, gray haired, uncoordinated, paunchy, Dockers wearing man with a goofy smile in front of him, he will face a dilemma. What sort of nautical title is appropriate for such an individual? After a few moments the answer will be clear.

No, no, not Rear Admiral.


And if Hugh is the Skipper, then it naturally would follow that his producer Generalissimo Duane would be...

...his little buddy Gilligan.

Tune in weekdays to an AM station near you for their daily three hour cruise.


Thursday, January 29, 2004
Consider It Gotten

In the event that an aging Larouchite infiltrates tonight's Patriot Forum and starts heckling Hugh, Atomizer has promised to lay the smack down, Franken-style, on the elderly offender. No need to worry about your back Hugh.


Wednesday, December 17, 2003
God IS Good (Allah Akbar)

Some days you just know that things are going to break your way. You don't know why or how, you just feel it. When I walked out of the house today I felt it. It felt good. And it is good. Almost too good to be true.

I'm a simple man. I don't ask for much in life. Good health for me and my family. A decent job. The love of a good woman. A bar stocked with quality wine, beer, and single malt Scotch. A chance to play hockey once or twice a week. The complete Simpson's Third Season on DVD....

Okay, okay I do ask for a lot (a look at my Amazon Wish List would quickly confirm that) but still there are always those things that no matter how desperately you want you know that you will never get.

Well today I got one of them.

Yes, believe it or not, I received the much anticipated Hugh's Big Snowmobile Adventure pictures today. The source for these magnificent images shall remain anonymous. Let's just say that the folks at the 30 Minute Foto on Santa Monica Blvd. know how to play ball.

When I examined the pictures I laughed until the tears were flowing. Then I composed myself enough to consider my options. Then I laughed again. My first instinct was to rush to post the entire collection in all its glory as soon as possible. But, upon further review, I have decided that to really appreciate and enjoy each picture they must be considered individually. And so over the course of the next few days I will post them one at a time.

I like to call this first one 'Hugh Prepares'. You can see the steely determination on Hugh's face as he laces up his boot to get ready for what will turn out to be a very rocky ride. There is a hint of fear evident as well, as if Hugh has an inkling that he's getting himself into a situation that could prove quite dangerous. He's also probably the only man I've ever known who wears Dockers when snowmobiling. Very shortly, wrinkles would be the least of his worries.

UPDATE: I see that Hugh is posting some of the photos in an effort to "get ahead of the story". This might force my hand a bit, but rest assured, if you want the real story this is the place to turn.


Monday, January 27, 2003
Deserving All The Suffering He Gets

Last Friday, JB Doubtless and I attended the Hugh Hewitt on Ice event sponsored by local Twin Cities radio station AM 1280 The Patriot at the Parade Ice Gardens in Minneapolis. I've been a listener of Hugh's show for at least the last year or so and I've often heard him mock the Patriot's promotion director Jay Larson for his less than inspired promotional events. Now I know why.

It wasn't all bad. The sponsors (spelled SOR not SER unlike the hockey jerseys supplied by the Patriot) were great and the pizza was good and plentiful. As were the beverages although if I had my druthers it would have been on over twenty one event with cold beer in the cooler. Hugh was a gracious and accommodating host and he took the time to talk to fans and pose for pictures.

But the setting was lame. Instead of being on one of the two full sized ice sheets at Parade the event was held on a mini-ice surface used for practice and three on three games. There was little room for the crowd to watch the goings-on and in order for the players to reach the ice surface they had to fight their way through us trying not step on anyone's feet with their skate blades. We didn't even stick around to watch the celebrity game for the thought of any kind of real hockey action taking place on that rink was absurd. By the way anyone in the crowd could have told you that Jack Carlson was not in the movie 'Slap Shot', as Hugh had erroneously been informed he was. It's called homework.

Having the event at the Xcel Energy Center and maybe tying it in with the Minnesota Wild somehow could have been spectacular. Perhaps it was a bit outside of the Patriot's limited budget but I can think of ten other local arenas that would have provided a better environment. This could have been a wonderful opportunity to show a hockey novice like Hugh (and his national audience) why hockey is the greatest game in the world and why Minnesota is a hotbed of American hockey. Instead it only reinforced his conceptions of us living in a winter wasteland with nothing to do and of the utter inability of the Patriot to pull off a well run promotion. He's right on with the latter notion.

The only good thing about the location was that we were able to head over to another rink at Parade and watch a good high school hockey game between Benilde-St. Margarets and Shattuck-St. Marys which featured the 15 year old phenom Sydney Crosby from Nova Scotia who has been labeled the "next Gretzky". He did not disappoint as he tallied five points and made a number of dazzling passes in leading Shattuck to a 7-2 victory.


We are the wind beneath the right wing.

Listen to the Northern Alliance Radio Network on Saturdays from 11am 'til 3pm on AM 1280-The Patriot:

* The First Team 11am-1pm
* The Headliners 1pm-3pm

Podcast Archives

This week on The First Team:

Brian and John continue to voice their heated rhetoric and troublesome vitriol.

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